Blackberry-Jalapeno Salsa

This is some pretty sweet salsa with a KICK! Dare to try something new, fresh and healthy. My blackberry-jalapeno salsa will make you rethink the potential of a handful of berries!

For a small batch that serves about two people, you will need:

1/4 cup jalapenos, chopped (about 2 medium peppers)
1/3 cup blackberries, chopped
1 1/2 cups tomatoes, chopped (about two medium tomatoes)
1/4 cup finely chopped onions
3 tsp sugar
1 tsp sea salt
2 tsp coarse black pepper
1/2 tsp cumin

1. Chop the blackberries and mix them well with the sugar in a pot. 
2. While the berries and sugar set, chop the remaining veggies and add them to the pot.
3. Stir in the seasonings well and put the pot on the stovetop on high heat.
4. Bring to a boil for only a minute or two, stirring the whole time.
5. Turn the heat to low and give it another few minutes, no more than about 5. Stir well.
6. After it has cooled enough, put it into an airtight container and into the fridge to set for a few hours.
(I did try my salsa after it cooled, then tried it again after it was allowed to set overnight. It tasted better after setting and letting the different flavors meld together)
7. ENJOY!


**If you don't want it as spicy, you can substitute another pepper for one of the jalapenos, or be sure to remove the seeds from the jalapenos to remove some of the heat**

CEVICHE!!

This amazing dish is called ceviche. It is super tasty and pretty darn healthy to boot. It does take a whole day to get done, so be ready for that. Alright let's go!

You need;
Fish. For this dish you will not be cooking the fish so it needs to be something that is safe to eat raw. I used tilapia for mine and it came out absolutely perfect. 
Tomato-the amount will depend on how much fish you are preparing. You want to have about 1/2 cup of tomatoes for every cup of fish.
Onion-see the note about the tomato
Salt
Limes-I made three tilapia filets and used about 8 or so limes. You could cheat and buy lime juice, but fresh is always better
Sea salt
oregano
red pepper

Here's what you do:
1. Chop the tilapia into bite size pieces. 
2. Chop up your veggies 
3. Put it all into an airtight container. Be sure not to use anything that is metal.
4. Squeeze the hell out of those limes. GET ANGRY! You need the fish to be entirely covered in lime juice
5. Sprinkle lightly with the salt, oregano and red pepper.
6. Stir it up, cover it and pop it in the fridge.

You do need to let it set overnight. I read some recipes that said you could give it "a few hours" but you don't want to do that. Stir it up every couple hours.

When it's time to eat there are many, many ways you can serve it. I personally warmed a few tortillas in a skillet then topped them with ceviche, freshly chopped cilantro and hot sauce. I've read that avocado goes well with it as well, but I sadly didn't have any avocados handy. It would be good on a tostada, with chips, etc.

Berry Orgasmic Shortcake!

This is a super quick, easy to make dessert or snack. And let me tell you...it is absolutely AMAZING! Here's what you need:

Pre-made shortcakes (I got a pack of little ones at Wal-Mart for a couple bucks)
Peanut butter
Nutella
Chocolate syrup
Whipped cream
BERRIES! (I used blackberries and strawberries because it's all I could find that were any good, but you could certainly throw raspberries in there)

And here we go!

1. Slice the strawberries up so that they are similar to flower petals.
2. Cut the blackberries in half.
3. Put a generous amount of peanut butter in the center of the shortcake.
4. Line the outside with nutella.
5. Arrange your berries on the shortcake.
6. Line the outside with whipped cream and leftover berries.
7.Top it all off with a light drizzle of chocolate syrup.

EAT IT!

Apricot-ginger pork tenderloin

 this is the BEST pork roast that I have ever made and/or eaten! SERIOUSLY! You will never be able to go back to another recipe again, just to forewarn you. The sweetness...oh the sweetness! Alright let's get started! This bad boy needs to set in the fridge for a few hours with a dry rub, so be sure to start it early.

For the dry rub!
 1/4 cup sugar
2 tsp chili powder
2 tsp garlic salt
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp black pepper
1/4 cup fresh chopped cilantro

Mix the rub ingredients together in a bowl. Put your pork tenderloin into a roasting pot and coat each side lightly with olive oil. Apply this dry rub all over it. Get your hands dirty! If your hands aren't gross you haven't done a good job. Cover the pot and stick it in the fridge for a couple hours, or even overnight if you prefer.

Once you're ready to cook it, preheat your oven to 400°. Now we need to make our glaze! Into a saucepan put:

1 cup apricot preserves (I personally like the Simply Fruit from Smuckers.)
1/2 cup bbq sauce
1/8 cup chopped cilantro
**you need ginger. I get the fresh ginger in a tube because it keeps longer and is easy to use, and with that I use 2 tsp. If you have fresh ginger I believe the measurement is the same but you may want to add a little more

You will also need to have some brown sugar and a little more chopped cilantro handy.

Turn the saucepan to medium heat and leave on just long enough to melt the preserves and get everything mixed together. Pour about half the glaze over the roast, some water in the bottom of the pan to prevent drying, cover it and pop it in the oven.

After about 25 minutes or so, take the roast out and uncover it. Rub down the top of it with some brown sugar and pop it back in the oven until it's done. Minimum cooking temperature for pork is 145° so please have a meat thermometer ready. Undercooked meat is no laughing matter.

When it's about time to serve it up, put the remainder of the glaze over low heat. After the roast is done and has cooled a bit, cut it into slices and pour the glaze over it and sprinkle and remaining cilantro. And now you eat! I like to serve this dish up with my apple-carrot cole slaw and some couscous, but you can do it with rice and salad, or hell just go carnivore and eat the whole roast!

Now I need to give credit where it is due. I got the inspiration for this dish from all recipes, although I simplified and modified it to my liking.

Apple-Carrot Cole Slaw

This stuff is SUPER yummy! But here is a disclaimer-the measurements are approximate. I periodically tasted it to see what it could use more of.

Another little note-this tasted the best if you prepare it about 30 minutes before you plan to serve it. If you let it set in the refrigerator the flavors come together a bit better, although I have made and served it immediately and it was still good.

You will need:
1 cup Miracle Whip
1/2 cup sour cream
2 tsp apple cider vinegar
1/3 cup sugar
a squeeze of lime juice
1 apple (cored and chopped into bite size pieces)
1/2 bag of tri-color slaw mix
1/3 cup shredded carrots
sea salt

1. Pour the slaw mix into a strainer and lightly sprinkle it with sea salt. Toss it around and let it sit there
2. Mix all your sauce ingredients (everything but the apple, carrots and slaw) into a large bowl. 
3. Add the slaw mix, apples and carrots. I like to do just a handful at a time, stir it until thoroughly coated with the sauce, then repeat with the next handful. It makes it easier to get everything good and covered.
4. TASTE IT! No but seriously, taste test a bite to make sure it's to your liking.
5. Cover the bowl and pop it in the fridge for about 30 minutes.

Mouth-watering Meatloaf

Here is what you need my children: 


1 Andouille Sausage, finely chopped (it's a smoked sausage. you could use something spicy if you're not serving kids as well, or perhaps a different variety of smoked sausage)
1 pound lean ground beef
1 egg
1 cup plain bread crumbs (yeah, I used pre-made bread crumbs from a canister. wanna fight about it?)
1 medium tomato, finely chopped
1 tsp minced garlic
2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup of your favorite bbq sauce
1 tsp onion powder

1. Preheat your oven to 375°
2. Mix everything up in a bowl. Don't be scared to stick your hands in it. What are you? Some kinda punk? HELL NO! Stick your hands in and show that food who's boss!
3. Grease up your bread pan
4. Pour your mixture in the pan and cover with tin foil. Give it 45 minutes in the oven
5. Take it out, remove the tin foil and crank it up a notch. To 400° to be exact.
6. Pop the meatloaf back in (uncovered damnit!) and give it another 20 minutes.
7. Just like with the bangin' banana bread, you have to give this a while. Let it cool. Let it settle. I know it smells great and you're hungry. But patience brings great things, young grasshopper.
8. EAT IT! I personally served mine with corn on the cob and mashed potatoes, but you can do things the wrong way if you want.

OH! LEFTOVERS! IF you happen to have any meatloaf leftover, slice it up and put it on a sandwich the next day. You'll thank me later.

Bangin' Banana Bread

Do you see any butter on that serving of banana bread? NO. You know why? It doesn't need it! This is the absolute best, most moist (moistest?) banana bread EVER. Let's go!

Here's what you need:

2 over-ripe (not to be confused with spoiled) bananas
1 1/2 cups self-rising flour **NOT all purpose stuff AND baking soda AND salt. ridiculous...**
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 egg, beaten
2 applesauce cups (not like CUPS of applesauce. two of the small servings of applesauce. I used strawberry)
1/3 cup melted butter

Here's what you do:

1. Preheat your oven to the magic temperature: 350°
2. Mush the bananas up in a bowl. 
3. Mix in the sugar, egg, vanilla, butter and applesauce
4. Add the flour last, stir it until it's all moist
5. Rub that bread pan down with a stick of butter...yeah...like that
6. Pour the batter into the pan
7. Bake for exactly one hour. ONE hour.
8. Take it out of the oven (duh). If there's nothing wrong with your oven, the bread should be perfectly done. If you really want, go ahead and stab it to be sure.

This is important! It smells great. It does. Your tummy is rumbling. WALK AWAY. Go organize that closet you've been ignoring. The bread needs to cool. For a WHILE. It's like waiting on a chick to get ready for a date. You get irritated but it's worth it. 

After the bread has cooled sufficiently, dig in! Serve it on a fancy plate with a glass of milk on the side. You won't be disappointed!

5 Cheese Orzo with Chicken and Green Beans

Did the name of the dish get your attention?? I sure hope so! This meal is pretty quick, tasty and not bad for you! Ready....set.....go!

  

Alright so we start everything basically at the same time, so let's get our ingredients ready!

Not-Foodz:

-->Two pots, one with lid

-->One large skillet with lid

-->Spoons and such for stirring

Foodz:

-->1 large boneless, skinless chicken breast

-->About 1 cup of fresh (frozen) green beans

-->Orzo! (The nifty little pasta that looks like rice. I think I made about a cup. I dunno.)

-->Chicken stock...around 1/4 cup

-->Extra virgin olive oil

-->A palmful of bacon bits (for goodness sake, not the imitation kind!)

-->salt and pepper 

-->1 jar alfredo sauce (I personally like the roasted poblano variety)

-->about 1/3 cup shredded cheddar cheese

-->about 1/4 cup of Parmesan/Romano/asiago blend cheese

Let's get cooking!

-->First put some water in one of the pots and start boiling it!

-->Next we put enough chicken stock in the other pot to be about an inch high. Toss the green beans in it, set the burner to medium/high, stir the green beans around and leave it for now.

-->Put a drizzle of olive oil into the skillet and start cooking your chicken on medium. Lightly salt and pepper each side. Flip it every now and then, when it's almost done cut it into bite-size pieces. I use scissors! Cause, ya know, I like for things to be easy.

-->Once the water is boiling, add your orzo and set the timer for 9 minutes. Keep stirring/flipping everything on the stove. No down time on this dish!

-->When you're down to about 2 minutes, toss the bacon bits into the green beans as well as some sea salt and stir well.

-->The chicken should be done. Turn the burner down to low and add the alfredo sauce. Mix it well and check your green beans. They should be pretty tender now, so toss the whole mix into the skillet and stir.

-->Remove the orzo and drain it well. Add it to the skillet, along with the other cheeses. Stir well and cover and leave it alone on low heat for a few minutes. (ok I lied. You get MINIMAL down time. But you should be setting the table or raising your Pokemon or something...)

-->Stir it one more time before serving, then enjoy!